


The End

by LoveNe



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Acceptance, Anger, Denial, Friendship, Gen, Grieving, Hurt/Comfort, Ignores the secret movie completely, KH3 spoilers, Kairi is a sweet angel, Projecting, Riku finally cries, Riku has a lot of insecurities, Sadness, Survivor’s Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 08:11:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19372729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveNe/pseuds/LoveNe
Summary: Someone still needs to grieve (KH3 SPOILERS)





	The End

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this back when a really good friend of mine had passed away. And it fucking hurt. Not too long after that, I finished KH3 and let me just say that was not a fun time for me. Months later, I can look at this story and feel so many things. Writing this helped me so much. I hope if there’s someone that feels what I felt or can relate, it helps you too.

It feels so odd finally being able to do something as childish as building sandcastles with friends again. No more skulking through the corridors of darkness or opening keyholes or training to fight any weirdos in tacky black coats.

 

_ The Organization? More like The Unorganized Mess. _

 

He narrows his eyes in concentration as he gently lifts a red pail off of the collection of sand. On his millionth attempt, it stays put.

 

"I got it!"

 

A large pair of feet stumble over the small pile. He looks up at the redhead across from him, who is now giggling at the uncoordinated tangle of limbs lying where his tower used to be. Said tangle of limbs groans as he sits up and shakes the sand out of his fiery hair. With a dark laugh, he snatches a disc off of the ground and launches himself in the direction of his blue haired friend.

 

The redhead smiles fondly at the sight. "He really missed them."

 

He tilts his head to the side as he watches both Isa and Axel taunt Roxas with the disc by holding it high above his head. They're both too distracted to notice Xion sneaking up behind them with a pail of water.

 

"Couldn't have been more obvious," Riku smiles to himself. He starts to gather the trampled sand before him and pack it back into his own pail. At the sound of a splash, his grin widens. "You'd think after all we've been through, Axel would have learned to watch his back."

 

"Axel does things his own way," Kairi explains softly. The two of them must have really gotten along during their training. No matter what, she's always coming to his defense.

 

"And what about Isa?" he asks. "You're fine with letting him come to the islands this often?"

 

She nods her head with a steady smile. "Of course. I understand that he's not the person he used to be. Everyone deserves a second chance." Kairi looks over to the group again, and he can see her eyes start to mist over. "Besides, Axel's excited to have all of his friends back. Who am I to ruin it for him?"

 

Riku looks away, still smiling. Admittedly, things do feel off without their other friend here with them. He feels bad for relaxing and having fun with everyone...but he knows there's nothing he can do now.

 

"He wouldn't want you to cry like this," he suddenly says. Kairi snaps her head in his direction, and the motion causes the tears to slip from her eyelids.

 

"I know," she whimpers, quickly wiping her cheeks with the back of her wrist. "I don't know why I keep doing this. He'll find his way back. I know he will."

 

Riku gives her another winning smile. "Yeah."

 

He used to feel the same way, but that was back when he could still feel a connection to Sora. He hasn't felt that in three months now. His connection to him had been violently shattered in the middle of the night, jolting him out of a peaceful sleep and sending him into a panic.

 

He briefly wonders if she can feel its absence too, or if she's too blinded by hope and love to realize the obvious.

 

Riku chuckles to himself as he lifts the pail off of the sand again.

 

It falls apart.

 

* * *

 

Riku doesn't know why, but he can't seem to concentrate.

 

"Come on, already! Make a move!”

 

The silver haired teen grunts as he taps his chin with his index finger. He has no idea why they decided to play chess when the only one who knows how to play is Isa, who is currently with Ansem, Ienzo, and Even. Riku glances up at his opponent, Xion, who has a very frustrated and impatient Axel hovering over her shoulder.

 

"Do you even know what's going on here?" Riku snaps.

 

Axel stares at the board with a determined expression. After a few beats of silence, he tilts his head in what appears to be confusion. "I mean...it's gotta be like checkers, right?"

 

The group lets out a collective groan.

 

"Well I don't see any of you trying to help!" Axel frowns as he crosses his arms over his chest.

 

Riku sits back in his seat. "I guess we  _ could _ play it like checkers. There's kings and queens here—and checkered squares."

 

Xion blinks. "What's checkers?"

 

That's right, Xion still has a lot to learn. He smiles and says, "We'll teach you."

 

Axel and Riku both give her a quick summary of how checkers works before they begin their game. There's a lot of interference from the rest of their friends that are gathered around them, but that only serves to make the game more interesting. In the end, Xion manages to collect all of his pieces.

 

"I lost...?" he mutters. "You didn't even know how to play twenty minutes ago!"

 

Xion blushes. "I guess I catch on pretty quickly. Sorry."

 

"Me next!" The only thing Riku sees before he's knocked to the ground is a blur of green and bright yellow. When he sits up, he sees an eager-looking Goofy in his seat.

 

He laughs as he climbs to his feet and makes his way over to stand next to Roxas. The blond watches the next match with a frown. He's been frowning a lot lately. What is he so angry about?

 

"You okay?" Riku asks, nudging him with his shoulder.

 

"Hm?" He looks startled, as if he didn’t even see him walk up. "Oh, I'm fine."

 

Huh. Maybe that's just Roxas' default face, then.

 

"Just thinking about what it'd be like if Sora were here."

 

Something in Riku’s chest tightens at the sound of his name. But he smiles anyway. "He'd probably try to pretend like he knows the game and make up all kinds of rules to make sure he won."

 

Roxas laughs. "Yeah, but it probably wouldn't work. Everyone knows he's not the brightest star in the sky."

 

Riku digs his short nails into the skin of his arm as he looks up at Twilight Town’s sky; it was Xion's idea to visit. "But he had heart."

 

Roxas nods. "That he did."

 

The two boys sigh in unison. Not too long after, Hayner, Pence, and Olette show up. Roxas' face lights up like a lantern as he runs off to meet them.

 

The sun begins to set.

 

* * *

 

"Yo Riku!"

 

The teen—shocked out of his reverie—turns around to see a tall redhead stalking his way, hands shoved deep in his pockets. Riku smiles as he stands next to him. "Axel," he acknowledges with a nod.

 

"A treehouse?" he asks as he looks up at the raggedy structure that had been made back when he was five or six. The breeze around them picks up, causing both their clothes and the palm leaves above them to flutter in the wind. The sunny season was finally coming to an end.

 

"Yeah. It was built for all of the island kids, but...S-Sora, Kairi, and I used it more than anyone else. I doubt any of us would fit in it now."

 

Axel hums. "Kairi, maybe, 'cause she's so tiny. Don't think you or Sora could fit. Your egos alone are enough to bring this thing down— _ hey! _ "

 

Riku pulls his arm back from where he'd playfully punched him in the shoulder. "You're one to talk, Mr. Bring-On-The-Big-Bad."

 

The redhead grins as he rubs the offended spot. "I didn't do all of that training just to waste my time playing with the low ranks. I mean look at this baby!" He extends his hand and summons his weapon to his hand. The blade really is beautiful; the fire contained within it shines brightly as it hums and gently pulsates. Riku felt several degrees warmer just from standing next to it. It looks comfortable in Axel's hand—like it belongs there. Riku suspects it's because of the familiarity of the chakram-like hilt.

 

"Kinda sucks that I'll probably never get to use it again."

 

Riku laughs. "If you're ever bored enough, I wouldn't mind sparring with you sometime."

 

Axel dispels his weapon, then looks at Riku from the corner of his eye. "Mm...nah. You gotta finish one battle before you go running into another one."

 

The silver haired teen's brow furrows. "Huh? What battle?"

 

Axel drops a hand on Riku's shoulder and gives it a firm squeeze. "Go see Naminé." His hand falls from his shoulder as he walks off.

 

Riku chuckles and shakes his head. "Whatever that means."

 

His hands clench into fists at his sides as he smiles up at the old wooden structure.

 

* * *

 

Naminé...is not a good artist. Riku notices this as she makes careless strokes on the top of her paper with a gray colored pencil. He doesn't have the heart to tell her the drawings are awful. It doesn't really matter. Naminé likes to draw, and he likes the way her face lights up whenever he compliments her on another finished piece.

 

"They're getting better," he says as he watches her. Red tinges her cheeks as she glances up at him from beneath her bangs. She giggles as she sets pencil down. A pale hand reaches over to grab a brown one and begins to color.

 

"Maybe," Naminé says softly. "But I don't really want to get better."

 

He looks up at her, confused. "You don't?"

 

She shakes her head. "No matter the quality, art's no good unless it means something to the artist. It should also bring out emotion in the person who chooses to view it." Naminé places the brown pencil down and holds up her drawing for him to see. "What do you think?"

 

He observes the below average portrait. From what he can make out, it looks like all of their friends standing on the beach next to the water. There's himself (it has to be him—he's the only one with the gray hair,) Naminé, Kairi, Xion, Hayner, Pence, Olette, Roxas, Axel, Isa, Ventus,  _ Terra _ , Aqua, the King, Donald, Goofy, and even Jiminy Cricket.

 

Jiminy freaking Cricket...

 

"That's us."

 

"Yes," she smiles.

 

He scans over the picture again. His chest tightens. "That's... _ us _ ," he repeats.

 

Naminé sets the drawing aside, then immediately starts scribbling on a clean sheet. Riku doesn't say a word. He suddenly feels as if her question was rhetorical.

 

"Do you...know why Axel told me to come see you?" he asks.

 

She looks up at him with a serious expression. "Yes—for company. It helps to not be isolated."

 

His heart sinks. If she was feeling alone, it made sense that he would be a source of comfort for her. Unlike Kairi, Naminé was taking her time trusting all of the new faces around her. She just about clings to Xion, Kairi, Roxas, and himself at every opportunity.

 

"Naminé, are you feeling lonely? Is it because of Sora?"

 

"No," the little artist says confidently. "And no."

 

He blinks, confusion settling into his features. "You're not upset because Sora's...gone?"

 

For a while, all he can hear is the scratching of her colored pencil against the paper. He eyes the rough beginning of the new drawing. It looks as if she's attempting to draw a sky...but she's using a black pencil.

 

"I was, but not anymore. I still have the memories."

 

Riku nearly falls out of his seat. "You do? All of them?"

 

Naminé swaps the black pencil out for a gray one and continues to color recklessly. "I meant my memories of him. As long as I have those, he'll still be here with me. With all of us."

 

He sinks back into his seat. Silence falls over the two of them. He watches intently as she switches pencils again and again with a determined frown. His fingers tap against the table top impatiently, yet he doesn't know what he's expecting to happen. But the anxiety causes his leg to bounce. The sound of his shoe squeaking against the marble floor and the rustle of his pant leg make him feel uneasy. It's too loud, but he can't stop. He clears his throat, hoping to ease the discomfort. It doesn't work.

 

Naminé finally sits her pencil down with a definite clack. All of Riku's nervous ticks come to an abrupt halt as she lifts the paper and turns it towards him. "What do you think?"

 

Riku was right. It was a black sky. Beneath that black sky was a tall figure with gray spikes for hair. The figure is standing alone in what he presumes is the dark, or maybe a night sky. It has no face, and therefore no facial expression. Still...

 

"He looks sad," Riku says.

 

Naminé nods. "Yes."

 

The corners of his mouth pull upwards as he reluctantly meets her eye. "You should draw happier things."

 

"Maybe so." Naminé grabs another clean sheet and a yellow colored pencil. "Do you know what's interesting?"

 

Riku suddenly feels as if he's being set up somehow. He doesn't have a clue as to why. "What's that?"

 

"We've all talked so much about hearts in the past. Strong hearts, weak hearts, brave hearts, broken hearts, hearts filled with darkness...do you know what they all have in common?"

 

The teen furrows his brow. "They're all...hearts?"

 

Naminé looks up from her drawing. "They all feel something. Not once have I ever seen evidence that a heart can feel something that isn't real. It makes me wonder about the brain, and what causes it to deny what the heart can not. Denial only causes more hurt in the end."

 

"Denial is a natural defense mechanism. It's also one of the five stages of grief," Riku says.

 

Naminé switches pencils again. "Just because something exists doesn't necessarily mean it's natural. Or healthy."

 

Riku quickly stands, accidentally knocking over his chair in the process. He has a throbbing pain behind his eyes and he doesn't know how to make it stop. It's annoying. "You...look tired. You should get some rest."

 

The blonde smiles up at him as she slowly sets her pencil aside. "Of course."

 

* * *

 

At exactly 3:06am, there's a laugh.

 

A half asleep Riku is suddenly filled with adrenaline as he bolts into an upright position and scrambles toward the edge of the bed furthest from the door. His chest rises and falls dramatically with each panicked breath as he clutches the sheets tightly in his fists. After his eyes finally adjust to the darkness of the room, he lets out an angry huff and tosses the sheet away.

 

He wonders when this is going to stop happening. Six months? Nine months? Never?

 

Riku swings his legs down until his feet touch the floor as he turns on his lamp. He swears there's a flash of red and black right before the room lights up completely. It turns his stomach. He doubles over and groans as he threads his fingers through his hair.

 

He hears another laugh. Maybe he's laughing at him.

 

"Please stop..." he begs as he tugs on his hair. He quickly realizes that the pain does nothing to ease the nausea and releases it.

 

Despite feeling what some would describe as motion sickness, he stands. He knows he can't stay here in this room. At times like this, he needs something familiar. This room, in this apartment that he'd acquired just a few weeks ago, wasn't it. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it definitely wasn't the tiny room in his parents' house that he'd long since outgrown.

 

His eyes land on a discarded blue shirt that had been haphazardly thrown across his desk chair. He pulls it over his head, slips his arms inside, and heads out of the door.

 

The island should calm him down. If not that, then The Secret Place.

 

Riku follows three different trails and takes two shortcuts to reach the docks, where several wooden dinghies wait patiently. He hastily unties the rope from the dock ring and takes a seat inside, then rows himself toward the island.

 

It isn't until he's halfway out that the water begins to make him sick. His stomach gurgles as he fights the urges to both vomit and turn around to go back home.  _ There's only a little more to go _ , he rationalizes.  _ Why turn back? _

 

Riku reaches the island with bile in the back of his throat and an ache in each arm. The ice cold sand gives him a bit of a shock as soon as his bare foot touches it. He sighs, silently accepting the fact that he's an idiot.

 

He takes a few moments to regain his composure, then pulls the small boat onto shore. Once he's sure it won't go floating away, he makes his way to the (now) well hidden door. Now that he's older, he realizes that it wouldn't do much good to call it The Secret Place when nearly everyone who visits the island can see the entrance. Kairi agreed. Together, the two of them used all the vines and leaves they could to hide it.

 

It should have been the three of them.

 

He almost gags as he staggers through the sand. Maybe it's because he's already on edge, but it seems as if he can feel every individual grain on the bottom of his feet. The closer he gets, the more it begins to feel like needles in his skin.

 

But he makes it. After several blurry seconds, Riku finds himself standing in the opening. He takes one step inside and immediately retracts his foot. The sand is one thing, but cold, solid, damp ground is another. He inhales deeply, extends his left hand towards the ceiling, and casts a light spell. The little cave illuminates with a soft blue glow.

 

He wonders if Sora knew how to cast that kind of magic.

 

_ That's not important _ , Riku decides with a frown. He grits his teeth as he braves a couple of steps inside. His gaze flits back and forth between the childish drawings on various surfaces as he passes them. He continues until he reaches the back wall, where two dimensional Sora and Kairi share what he can only assume are paopu fruits with one another.

 

There it goes again. That  _ laugh _ .

 

His hands curl into tight fists as he stares down at the drawing of his late friend and wonders why he's even here. He should have just taken those sleeping pills he'd gotten from the market and called it a night. It was clear that he needed the rest. The hallucinations are getting more disturbing and becoming more frequent. If this doesn't stop, he won't have the strength to be there for Kairi.

 

A cruel scoff cuts through the silence of the night as a painful grin spreads across his face. That doofus. In his attempt to save Kairi, he didn't really consider her feelings at all—none of their feelings. All he knew was that he didn't want to live without her. He made a really stupid decision because he was in pain and he wanted to feel better.

 

The nausea in the pit of his stomach turns to rage, and it begins to boil. His fists tremble as he finally realizes the truth. Sora wasn't just being stupid, he was being selfish and arrogant. He never minded his business and was always trying to be the hero of everyone's story. And it took him dying for him to finally cut that out.

 

His eyes begin to sting as he summons his keyblade and aims for the poorly drawn caricature. "You idiot!" In one smooth motion, he strikes. Unfortunately, his blade catches on a misshapen part of the wall just a foot above it, causing it to kick back. He brands his weapon with both hands and begins to swing wildly, missing his target each time. Tears of frustration drip down his cheeks as he swings and swings and swings, but he never finds relief from the awful feeling inside of him. It's a void more vast than the darkness, and a pain more intense than stepping into the light after a year in the shadows.

 

Why won't it go away? Why is he getting angrier—more desperate?

 

What is he even trying to achieve by doing this?

 

"Riku!"

 

A pair of hands wrap around one of his arms and pulls. He's surprised when the tug is actually able to turn him around, and even more surprised when he sees that the person who did it is Kairi. He gasps and heaves, clutching his weapon until his knuckles are white. He doesn't have the strength to even lift the weapon anymore.

 

"What are you doing?" Kairi asks. Although she looks worried, there's a bold look in her eye that he's never seen before.

 

The tired teen sneers as he snatches his arm out of her grip. "Don't look at me like that."

 

"Like what...?"

 

"Like I'm  _ crazy _ . I'm not losing it. In fact, I think I'm the only one who really understands," he laughs bitterly.

 

Kairi eyes him suspiciously as she cautions a step forward. "Is this about Sora?"

 

He rolls his eyes. "Isn't it always? Everything has always been about  _ Sora _ ," he hisses. "The only thing anyone has talked about for the past few years is his power and his strength and  _ his _ heart and  _ his _ memories. The world literally centered around him and rewarded him for jumping headfirst into things without any proper training. He figured stuff out on accident and just rolled with it. It was pathetic."

 

Kairi frowns. "Riku, you don’t mean that..."

 

"You know, he never listened either. No matter what we told him, he always wanted to be the hero. He meddled with the first seven princesses, played around in Castle Oblivion, dove into the Realm of Darkness with  _ no _ protection or preparation, and then he abuses his Power of Waking. I say it's about time he finally face the consequences of his idiotic, self-absorbed actions.”

 

"Stop it, Riku," Kairi demands in a voice that's surprisingly steady. "You don't have the right to talk about him that way."

 

He glares. "Don't I? I've been through just as much as he has. The only difference is that I actually learned from my mistakes. This mistake just so happened to cost him his life and I, for one, don't pity him for a second. I'm actually glad he's dead—"

 

Kairi's hand cracks against the side of his face, and the sound echoes off the walls. He doesn't retaliate—he'd be a fool if he did. Instead, he dispels his weapon and lets his hands dangle freely at his sides.

 

The redhead holds her hand to her chest, glaring at him with a vengeance that nearly takes his breath away. "I don't know what's wrong with you, but you stop it right now. The real Riku wouldn't ever talk like this. Sora was our best friend. He wasn't perfect, but everything he ever did was to try and  _ help _ people. He was not selfish and he was not stupid. And he's going to be really upset when he hears what you've been saying about him!"

 

Riku sighs deeply. "Don't you get it? Sora isn't coming back...not this time." He pushes his fingers through his hair and turns his empty, tired gaze to the ceiling. "Mickey warned him. The Power of Waking isn't a Firaga spell—you can't keep using it and then chug an Ether to keep you going. It is powerful, and it is dangerous. He told him to come back to Yen Sid's tower with us so that we could figure out a safer way to get you back, but he didn't want that. He had to go  _ in that moment _ because that's what Sora does: he makes up his mind too quickly and refuses to change it."

 

A bitter smile forms on his lips as he leans his back against the wall. "You weren't there, Kairi. You didn't see that look on his face. He didn't care about our warnings and he didn't care about the consequences. His little speech about going to find you and coming back..." His vision blurs as tears well in his eyes. "He truly believed in himself. He made us  _ all _ believe in him."

 

Riku flashes back to the moment where Sora had made up his mind. He remembers the King trying to stop him, and he remembers telling the King to let him go. He had faith in Sora and his return back then. "I felt our connection sever in the dead of night. It woke me up out of my sleep.  And that's when I began to hate him."

 

Kairi remains silent. He refuses to look at her. Although he's glad for her return, he knows it didn't have to be this way. It makes him angrier. "I hate him for making me believe in him. I hate that he always knew exactly what to say to get away with the things he did and I  _ hate _ that I wasn't strong enough to stop him..."

 

A sob escapes him. Then a couple more. In an instant, Kairi wraps her arms around him and squeezes tight. And he holds her as all of the emotions he'd been suppressing for the last three months come to a peak. He feels like he'd been ripped open and thrown off of a cliff. He feels sick and alone and angry and so very sad. Worst of all, he feels weak again. The last thing he needs at a time like this is to fall into the same darkness that nearly ruined him before.

 

"You're gonna be okay," Kairi whispers. "I promise. You just need to let it out."

 

He shakes his head. He knows he's unable to speak through his sobs, but he wants her to know that he's sorry. He's sorry for what he said and he's sorry for not saving Sora from himself. He's sorry she's in pain and he can't fix it. He's sorry that he'll never be good enough.

 

"It's not your fault, Riku. No one can change Sora's mind once he's made it up." She pulls away and gently cups his cheeks. She's crying too. "Thank you for looking after him all this time, but  _ you're _ important to me too. Don't lose yourself to grief because you're not allowed to leave me too."

 

For the first time in three months, Riku smiles a genuine smile. It seems that Kairi is another one who knows exactly what to say. He hugs her tightly. “You’re important to me too…”

 

Sora will never come back, but this isn't the end of their story. There's still so much more life to live, and he's thankful to have someone like her by his side for the next journey. Whatever that may be.


End file.
